helo
so long didnt blog liao..haha..attachment started for a week liao..finally today can rest..nothing much happened in hospital..everyday is a routine for me..
thur nite..meet christine for a chat..need to leave early cos ben is quite angry for waiting for me for 1 hour?but oso thanks ben for helping to end the chat early..cos she said the same thing again abt the r/s between me n ben..so ya..then after tt we went to marina south to meet the primer for dinner..steamboat..haha..eat alot..have fun..
fri nite..after work went to ben hse to bath b4 meeting von for praise and worship nite at the indoor stadium..it so awesome..i love it..thanks von for the prayer..yup she is right..i keep thinking about what christine had said..it make me feel that this r/s is impossible..i didnt tell ben about it..but i think ben know..after tt eby called von..about tonight firework thingy..eby cant make it..von so angry..she look so scary when she angry..me n ben dunno what to do..
tonight..meeting ben after BB cares..he teaching CPR for this 2 sat..then have dinner with von then go watch firework..update more later..
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BB cares
today is BB cares..i went to chen su lan MCH with the primers..u went to RGS to teach CPR..morning u msg me said there is only 3 guys..then afternoon 1 female came then 2 guys left..so poor thing..did u get electric shock by the gals?haha..the children in the home they are alright..we had fun playing games with them..interact with them..it is heartache to see them staying there.while interacting i came to know tt not all the children get to go out..the younger one will stay at the home..the older one they are more lucky..they get to go out during weekend..
attachment is coming..next monday..for 3 weeks..then exam..haiz..how to study for exam?May God bless me thru out this 3 weeks n b able to cope with my exam..amen..hehe
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i wan tt ring i saw with von at PS..
just back from von's hse..tired..afternoon we went to istana to witness the presentation of the president's award..u look cool..hehe..when it's ur turn..ur name got announce..so funny..haha..me n von keep laughin..
after tt we had dinner with ur parent..the serving of the food is too much..4 of us share excluding ur dad..cant finish..haha..then went to von's hse to get my stuff..watched cd at her hse..talked abit..asked u what if ur parent ask u whether i am ur gf..will u admit..u said no..i asked u y?u reply cos u think they are not ready for it..guess i should not care so much of the acknowledgement of being ur gf ba..thou it may b a form of respect to each other..
is it hard to admit u are in a r/s?=)
it just a dream..
today going to istana for the president's award presentation..yeah..so happy..hope u slept well the night before..was happy with ur effort when u receive the msg i sent u about wanting u to b at my side at the moment cos i got a shock n i dunno what i did is correct..yup..my mind is still in a mess..but i'll treat it as a dream..whatever happened yday..it over..it is a dream..nothing happened at all..yup..nothing..
finally i done with my last presentation..research method..the theory paper is out..i got a grade B..something out of expected..didnt think tt i would get a B for this..praise God for his Grace n Mercy..now waiting for von to come to sch for her lesson..then go her hse..
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sunburn
yday i end class at 9.30am..just go to sch for 30 mins lesson..after tt went to your hse..had lunch then go swimming at ard 12.30-1pm..haha..so hot the weather..but the water quite cool..swim awhile then suntan..haha..both of us got burn..hehe..but i enjoyed the time with u..
today u going to istana for president's award rehearsal..tml is the real event..u have been looking forward to it..so proud of u dear..hehe..think this is the best bday gift u ever have..
wonder how will it b tml..cant take photo with u alone..haiz..haha..it ok..
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love u lots lots
just back from orchard..went to watch movie with you,von and eby..pirates of the carribean..dead man's chest..we sat at the 1st row..so crowded..haha..but i enjoyed the show..
ok..start from morning..went to parade this morning..tot u will b surprise to see me there..cos i didnt tell u i attending parade..well..in the end u not surprise..went to had lunch with von..then went to her home..while u had ur meeting with ur department..then played soccer..after tt..eby joined us at von's hse..went to army market to get his stuff..
meet u at plaza singapura..very crowded there as there is a food fair going on..after dinner..we shop ard to spend the time..i told u tt i suspected u like shan..then u gave me a huh look..like dunno what i talking about..then u reply me..u like her the same way u like von..i'll believe what u said..cos b4 i tell u this..i told myself..if u reply u dun like shan..i'll trust u..
thanks von..for giving me advise all these while..if i dun tell him what i think..i wont know what is the actual relationship between ben and shan..i'll have faith in God and him..must have self-confident..haha..
later got dedication svr at expo for NYP BB primer..lucky dun need to wear uniform..cos i didnt buy..wahaha..hehe..dun care..nite..
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last night talk to von on the phone..wanted to cry..tears are forming in my eyes..anytime it'll just roll down..i told von what i asked u..i ask u..do u love me?are u serious in this relationship?are u really sick of me?u reply..yea..i love u..yea serious..sick with me?hmm..sometime..i really dunno how to walk into ur life..no matter how i turn..i face a close door..i ask u do u treasure me?u say u rather treasure me as a friend rather than gf..
as i talk on the phone with von..it just came into my mind..u like shan?mayb ba..i hope i was wrong..von ask me to confront u..i dunno..i really wan to b close to u..like other of ur friends..but it didnt seem to happen..y?cos i dunno what u going thru..i dunno how u feel..it really seem u like shan..now i am tired..really tired liao..didnt msg u..cos i really dunno what to say or ask..think u thinking the same thing as me ba..what are we going to do with this relationship..
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are u serious of what u said?
yday we meet up b4 meeting..we went to orchard to shop around..when we at takashimaya,i hugged u..feel ur body abit hot..so i ask u..u falling sick liao?u say ya..sick of you..i feel sad about it..cos i dunno if u are serious with what u said..
so many thing happened this week..i really dunno how to take it..i know i must lean on God..but i dunno where God is..i cant hear from him..u know?
y only u can not in the mood?y u can b angry n ignore me n i cant?i angry n ignore u..when i cooled down..u start to ignore me..saying tt i started it 1st..u know this whole week i have been crying?i dunno how to handle the things..i really miss vanessa and sue..at least they tell me what went wrong..how can i change..i oso miss von..next week she'll b back from attachment..i really hope can just cry as long as i can..von..can i cry on ur shoulder?
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what did i do wrong?
what did i do wrong?did i make u guys angry?if so..tell me..if u dun said..i dunno..n i'll carry on making u guys angry..u guys didnt share with me things..i am always in the dark..elaine said i not paying attention to what u guys said..i paid attention now..yet?u guys sort of outcast me..i dunno what went wrong..
i ask some of u guys..if i did something wrong n make u guys angry..u guys said no..i really dunno lor..what can i do?guess i'll just keep quiet..so i wont make u guys angry..
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forget about it..it ok..
wonder if u ever wanted to celebrate ur bf birthday b4?well i wanted..but dun think i would have a chance ba..actually planned to go out with him tml to celebrate his birthday..but he forgot about it ba..he change it to tue instead..well..the meaning is no longer there liao..
at 1st i dunwan to be so evil not to celebrate ur birthday..cos it a day God created u..a day when ur mum went thru the labour pain n gave birth to u..a day when the heaven rejoice when u are born..but well..forget about it..i wont bother to celebrate it with u anymore..since u dun care..why should i bother about it?u rather celebrate with ur frenz..u even forget we suppose to watch just my luck together when u promise n planned it for this coming tue during the break just b4 exco meeting..i am so upset with u now..
who am i to u?i really wonder..
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Happy Birthday..
today is ur bday..didnt celebrate with u..got sch til 8pm..haiz..no choice..hehe..did something i shouldnt did last nite..msg u at 2.45am..lucky u didnt wake up..accidentally press the send button..so worry n scare tt u'll b disturb then scold me..make me didnt sleep thru out the nite..but thanks God..u still sound asleep..haha..
nothing much happened today..going to visit my grandma tml evening..n she is getting better..thanks God..Amen!!hehe
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p.s. Happy Bday Dear.. :P
i still love u
today u turn up for parade..not surprise at all..cos i am expecting it to happen..haha..but i glad u turn up cos i went missing on tue n u came for parade to see if i'll attend..think u still care about me ba..in the clubroom..i ignore u..didnt look at u thou i know u looking at me at times..on the way to HQ u asked me i angry with u?
at HQ..u keep rocking ur chair..it just remind me when i was in primary 2..i fall backward while rocking backward..i asked u to stop..but u continue to do it..til i stare at u..sorry..i know i bad..but it just a fear..then u asked me..i still care for u?i reply u..u dunwan me to care?i can dun care about u..
on our way home..we talked alot..resolve liao..u ignore me cos i ignore me..u ask me if u never turn up for today parade..am i going to ignore u..i dunno..cos i dunno how to make u happy..rmb u said this once..u feel stress when i am ard..i really dunno what to do..i dun wish tt this r/s is a stress for u..haiz..what should i do..
Lord..what should i do?sometime i scare i'll lose him..but sometime i feel like letting him go..i know i still love him..i dunwan to lose him..but i really dunno how to love him..dunno how to show him care..dunno what he thinking..Lord..what is in his mind?how he feel?Lord..help us thru this r/s..Amen..
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missing
today is our 7th months..time flies so fast..didnt msg u today..went missing the whole day..dunno if u realise or not..mayb u like it lor..cos no one disturb u the whole day..i'll hold on not to reply ur msg even thou i miss u alot..very tempted to do tt..
8.30pm..u msg me..say u keep sneezing ever since u left home..hmmm..
i wont reply u..i'll still go missing..i wan to think about the r/s..i really wan to know how to love u..walk into ur heart..i really hope u'll tell me what u facing in life..i wan to seek God with u..
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such a long day
haix..now is only 12.38pm..with xiu xian now at e-plaza..doing nothing..morning woke up at 6am then go for mental health lecture..so sian..never msg u the whole morning til now..haha..it such a long day lor..never disturb u..it something different..haha..but i'll get used to it de..no worry..haha..i am determine not to msg or call u..hmph..who ask u..dun reply..plus make me so angry with u last night..bleh..guess u dun even realise about it too ba..
last night talk to von..mayb she is right..u are not a type of guy who are romance..u dunno how to please/coax gal when she angry..haha..well..i think so too..
later nite going to visit grandma..will update soon..
sorry von..
i am tired..i am not as strong as u think..sometime when i cry...u didnt even know..thou i wish i can lean on u..think i will learn to rest in God..learn to hide under his wing n lay down everything in him..
p.s. von..sorry to lied to u..tt i am alright when i am not..i know u have guess tt something have happened..but i rather u come here n find the answer..cos at least here when i cry..no one is ard..dun worry..i'll b fine..
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give up!!!!!!!!
today i start sch at 10am instead of my usual timetable 8am.on my way to sch u send me a msg..tell me tml u will not b going le!sorry..the 1st thing tt came into my mind is are we meeting tml?dun rmb making any agreement to meet tml..mayb u send wrong msg..so i call u..ask u what u mean by not going..u told me the exco meeting..u made a mistake on the date..this is not the thing that i am pissed off about..
the thing i pissed off with u is when i ask u tml u got what thing on?is it class BBQ since u told me tt u not sure u going or not yet..u say no..u thinking to go out with shan n von..lucky meeting is not tml lor..is next week lor..somemore we agree to meet up after my class to go watch a movie b4 the meeting lor..if really is tml..guess u forgot about the agreement liao..i reply u lor..oic..so if tml got meeting tt mean u are dumping me aside la..haha..when i sent this msg i was so upset with u lor..never mind..i decide liao..i wont msg u liao..i give up on msging u liao..whatever u do i not going to care..even thou i'll feel worry or heartache..
Since u don't care..what for i care so much?since u want to keep quiet and not telling me what going on i wont ask liao..cos i am sick and tired of guessing e hint u giving me now..u are giving me the feeling of insecure..thou von say u treasure me alot..but look at the sign..keep quiet all the while..
I AM TIRED OF GUESSING THE HINT U GIVING ME NOW!!!
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